its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
