Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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