Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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