The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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