By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
