He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
