with your own penis?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
