im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
