New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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