RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
