She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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