i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
