you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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