I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
