Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
