just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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