hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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