Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
