I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
a search helicopter?!
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
