how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Randomize
