nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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