u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You're like the curious george of whores
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
