how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
