There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
