You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
