But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
