Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
