im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
