girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
