I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
