why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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