saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
