Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
