I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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