Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
