respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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