remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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