She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
