You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
