Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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