I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My life is pants optional.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
