Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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