Who wears a wallet chain?!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
