Please, let me fuck your mom
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
