I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
