fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
