you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I said "one day" and that day is not today
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
