people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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