I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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