p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
People in love make me want to vomit
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
