I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
